Swing State

Politics and Humor…but I repeat myself

This is what I call setting someone straight!


April 11, 2007 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Some Random Chuck Norris Facts

I have not heard any of these in awhile and they are always good for a laugh – enjoy! 

1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

4. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

5. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.

6. Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t **** with Chuck!” Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

7. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

8. To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

9. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually “Chuck Norris–more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris–robot in disguise,” and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

10. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

11. Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No fat Chicks.

12. When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, “Don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.”

13. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

14. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is “Charles”. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

15. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

16. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying “booya”.

17. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and **** on their floor, just because he’s Chuck Norris.

18. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

19. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you’re thinking to yourself, “That’s impossible, I already lost my virginity.”, then you are dead wrong.

20. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O’Brien’s lever that shows clips from “Walker: Texas Ranger” and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan’s wife.

21. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

22. Chuck Norris doesn’t have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the **** out of viruses. That’s why Chuck Norris never gets ill.

23. Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can “accidentally” beat the **** out of little kids.

24. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is “his” way.

25. One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that ****** did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

26. Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn’t give him exact change.

27. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

28. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more “humane”.

29. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

30. Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who just bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying Chuck Norris calmly says, “I’ll give you something to cry about,” and roundhouse kicks them in the face.

April 11, 2007 Posted by | Uncategorized | 7 Comments

Romney losing ground in Michigan…

It appears that there is a growing trend of Mitt Romney’s
Michigan supporters who are questioning their support of the former Governor.

In an article from today’s Grand Rapids Press notable names like State Rep. Dave Agema and former State Rep. William VanRegenmorter are mentioned as possible defectors from Team Romney.

According to VanRegenmorter:

“I think I want to back up to a position of neutrality and weight some of the information that wasn’t very public then.”

Rep. Agema also notes that:

“I’m on the fence right now…”

Since the announcement of his campaign for the White House Governor Romney has been plagued by accusations of a shaky record on key conservative issues.

Eye on 08′ points out –

“He also struggles to keep his story straight on issues like abortion, gay-rights, taxes, guns, embryonic stem-cell research, Ronald Reagan, the Contract with America, immigration, and campaign finance reform.”

Unfortunately this is not the first time that Romney has had to deal with wavering support from some of his
Michigan backers.

Rep. Judy Emmons, who pulled her support for Governor Romney on the same day as his official announcement in
Dearborn said that:

“I should have done my homework first, for me, the bottom line is your record and where you’ve stood and what you’ve stood up for and what you’ve capitulated on.”

News of this nature must be very disconcerting for Team Romney as they no doubt must have thought that their impressive fundraising showing would jump start their campaign, which has never really managed to take off as far as poll numbers are concerned.  (Romney continues to trail fellow Republicans Rudy Giuliani and John McCain in most polls.)

Instead of touting their financial prowess the campaign was forced to deal with the publicity disaster surrounding Governor Romney’s ongoing hunting saga and now the loss of supporters in Michigan, which is shaping up to be a critical primary battle, and somewhat of a must win for Governor Romney considering the name recognition and family connections that he has in the state.

Michigan Cooler says of today’s Romney story:

“…this strikes at the heart of the Romney campaign and could send shockwaves across the state and across the country creating a domino effect of the loss of support.”

Hopefully the Governor will be able to button up his message in the near future to convince his supporters that he is the kind of candidate that he claims to be, or unfortunately, headlines like the one in this mornings Grand Rapid Free Press might haunt the rest of his campaign.

April 8, 2007 Posted by | Michigan Politics, News from the News | Leave a comment

Some advice for Mitt Romney

 “If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.”
~ Mark Twain


Romney retreats on gun control

ORLANDO , Fla. — Former governor Mitt Romney, who once described himself as a supporter of strong gun laws, is distancing himself from that rhetoric now as he attempts to court the gun owners who make up a significant force in Republican primary politics.


Romney Calls Himself a Longtime Hunter


The Associated Press
Thursday, April 5, 2007; 2:36 AM

BOSTON — In boasting about his lifelong experience as a hunter, Mitt Romney may have shot himself in the foot.


Be vewy, vewy quiet…; Romney changes hunting story (again)


Lifetime hunter Mitt Romney never had license

Mitt Romney’s hunting problem continues.

Earlier this week, Mitt Romney said he had “been a hunter all his life.” (see video here) But a reporter did some research, and Romney’s campaign admitted that Romney had only been hunting twice, once as a teenager and once for a fundraiser. Then Romney himself said that he was a “varmint hunter”, not a “big game hunter.”


“I dont even know what the fuck a quail looks like.”


April 7, 2007 Posted by | News from the News | Leave a comment

Some interesting thoughts on that whole Rakolta Nazi ad debacle

 I received the following in an anonymous email…none-the-less I thought it was somewhat interesting….

“Last month the DNC put out a press release criticizing Michigan resident and Co-Chair of GOP Presidential candidate Mitt Romney’s national finance committee for a donation that he made to the PAC Voice the Vote. 

Apparently the PAC was responsible for an attack that criticized Democrats (specifically Governor Jennifer Granholm) and compared them to Adolph Hilter.Click to close, click and drag to move. Use arrow keys for next and previous.


According to the MSNBC“The Democratic National Committee…took issue with Rakolta’s role in the presidential campaign and called on Romney to disavow attack ads. 

Rakolta denied any knowledge of the ad and basically said, “All the Democrats are trying to do is embarrass Mitt Romney.”  He asserted that, “I’m not going to let one or two people, or the Democratic National Committee stop me from fundraising for Mitt Romney.” 

In an article from the Free Press on the subject “Nataki Harbin, Voice the Vote’s treasurer, reiterated previous denials by her and her stepfather, Detroit political consultant Adolph Mongo, that the ad was put together in collaboration with the DeVos campaign or the Michigan Republican Party,” and I assume this means any of the donors to the PAC. 

According to the MSNBC article “The DNC said Rakolta’s position on Romney’s finance committee raises questions about the type of presidential campaign the Republican candidate plans on running.” 

It seems to be very clear from all this that there is nothing to be made of Rakolta’s involvement with the ad considering the treasurer of the organization from which the ad was made claimed that there was no collaboration from any outside parties as to the content of the ad. 

However as most of us know, stories like this seem to have a mind of their own. 

Just as the whole story seemed to be picking up steam, and just when the Romney camp was starting to take some serious heat on the issue (which is exactly what the DNC must have intended on) a dagger was delivered to any momentum the DNC had generated in their attempt to tie the ad to a major member of the Romney campaign. 

This dagger came in the form of a document that was released from Adolph Mongo stating that “the add titled ‘Sometimes a Handshake and an Acknowledgement make a difference,’ is a personal advocacy add that was paid for by for by a personal credit that was owed to me from a previous transaction with the Michigan Chronicle.  It was not paid for by funds from Voice the Vote.” 

This documented, which is dated July 10, 2006, was apparently being circulated as proof that Rakolta did not have any involvement with the ad.  According to Jonathon Martin’s blog from over at the Politico, where there is a copy of the letter: 

“Assuming the guy is telling the truth and not just covering his donors and the party, John Rakolta, the Romney finance co-chair, never actually saw his money spent on an ad that compared Dems to Hitler or something.Lesson to major political givers:

Know who you’re donating your cash to.” 

So that should settle it, right…assuming this guy is telling the truth. 

Well, some minimal research might raise some question to the version of the story that Mr. Mango and company have been telling.  If you do an expenditure search on the “Voice the Vote” PAC over at the Michigan Sec. of States searchable disclosure database you will see that on June 30th a direct expenditure was made from “Voice the Vote” to the Michigan Chronicle.    

This is copied and pasted directly from the report: 

Making Expenditure
Committee ID-Type
Sched Type Payee
, State Zip
Exp Type-Purpose
Exp Date Exp Amt
Candidate or BQ
Office Sought
06/30/06 $5,000.00  

The ad in question ran the week following this expenditure which was paid to the exact same paper that the ad in question was printed in.  That seems a little fishy to me and directly calls into question Mongo’s claim that no “Voice the Vote” money was used to fund the ad. 

Now the question then becomes why did Mongo write that letter if it was not true? 

(**Disclaimer** from here on out I am writing under the assumption that Mongo’s statement in the letter is false due to the information in the disclosure report.) 

Was the letter (which was supposedly written the same week the ad ran) written to discredit any donations that funded the ad because some of the donors were upset about its content and pressured him to do so right after it ran?  And if that is the case why did this letter surface almost a week after the Free Press wrote the original story on the issue. 

It seems to me that Voice the Vote or Adolph Mongo would have wanted to clear matters up about its donors right away instead of having their names tied to this non-sense if they had the means to do so. Or here is another scenario to ponder… 

Was the letter even written on the July 10th date or was it simply a “not so clever” attempt to cover up what happened way back this summer by releasing this letter after the scenerio entangled much higher profile names. 

If that is the case who was involved in the creation and distribution of the letter and what are they trying to cover up?”

April 5, 2007 Posted by | Michigan Politics, News from the News | 1 Comment

Romney leads the GOP money primary

Here is the beakdown:

Romney 23 mil
Rudy 15 mil
McCain 12.5 mill
Brownback 2 mil
Tancredo 1 mil
Huckabee 500K

Kudos to team Romney…It will be interesting to see if someone else in the field can overtake him in Q2 or if Romney’s well  oiled fundraising machine will be able to maintain it’s lead.

Another side of the numbers that I also find interesting that are not as widely reported are the actual amount of people that have donated to the campaign…I am still looking for some numbers and will post as soon as I get them.

And finally, on a more serious note, here is something that combines two of my favorite things.  (Nintendo Wii Bowling and the Big Lebowski)

“Your killing your father, Larry!

April 4, 2007 Posted by | News from the News | Leave a comment

Giuliani’s firm has ties to company going through tax scandal

HT to Politico.

Justice department sues “We the People” to stop alleged tax scam

Associated Press Writer

SYRACUSE, N.Y. — U.S. prosecutors asked a federal court Tuesday to stop “We the People” and its founder Robert Schulz from falsely telling customers they can legally stop their income tax withholdings by purchasing the organization’s Tax Termination Package.The tax fraud scam has already cost the U.S Treasury more than $21 million in unpaid taxes, government lawyers said in a 14-page complaint filed in U.S. District Court.

And apparently:

Giuliani Partners to Advise Nation’s Largest Legal Document

Giuliani Partners LLC and We The People USA, Inc., the nation’s largest legal document service, today announced a strategic alliance to significantly improve access to the legal system for all Americans. With more than 120 offices in 26 states, We The People prepares and files legal documents on behalf of consumers who choose to represent themselves in legal matters.

“I understand the need for competent independent counsel, while I also support the right to manage one’s own legal affairs,” said Rudolph W. Giuliani, chairman and CEO of Giuliani Partners. “We The People helps individuals navigate the complex and often daunting legal system while providing access to valuable clerical preparation and filing services that many individuals could otherwise not afford.”

April 4, 2007 Posted by | News from the News | Leave a comment

Quote of the day

Via someone at my roommate’s job:

“Did you hear me Mike and Todd are getting pigs? I’m gonna name mine bacon.”

April 4, 2007 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Let the games begin! Duncan Hunter, Hillary Clinton


Well, my roommate is in a fantasy baseball league that I really wish I had the energy to join. 

Fantasy baseball is way to intense for me right now, but I am sure that I will end of spending a lot of time covering MLB action here at Swing State.

Go Tigers!


Here is a link to a great post over at Red State about Duncan Hunter’s recent visit to Michigan.


36 Million…and I still think she sucks!

April 2, 2007 Posted by | Just For Fun | Leave a comment

I saw this comment over at another blog and thought I would post it here for a general FYI

It is now even more important than ever to spread the word to all taxpayers about the Taxpayer Protest Rally! Everyday taxpayers need to show up at the Capitol in Lansing on April 18, bring a teabag that we will deliver to the Governor, and tell Lansing politicians to balance their budget by cutting spending and enacting reforms; NOT BY RAISING TAXES ON CITIZENS! Get to the Capitol around 10:00am. Rally starts at 11:00am, but you will need time to park.

Taxspenders are planning to hijack this rally, and demand more and more of YOUR money. We cannot allow the voices of everyday taxpayers to be drowned out. Take the day off work, clear the calendar, gather your family and friends, and head to Lansing on April 18!

April 2, 2007 Posted by | Michigan Politics | 3 Comments

No joke…this is very scary

I really don’t know why some white people still think it is going to be funny when they dance to rap… 

 Napoleon broke the mold folks, sorry.   No one will ever top it so stop trying…

Or then there is always the greatest of all time…

March 30, 2007 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

08′ Trends

HT- Michigan Cooler

March 28, 2007 Posted by | Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Granholm caught in lie…***MORE IMPORTANTLY***… Granholm caught in New York Yankees hat!!!!!!

So apparently Governor Granholm was caught in some kind of lie by members of the MIGOP at an Okemos Olive Garden.

According to Right Michigan:

“Breaking news here folks.  Grand Rapids TV13 is reporting that Jennifer Granholm made a quick appearance at the Michigan Municipal League at noon.  She was scheduled to deliver the keynote speech at their luncheon but quickly excused herself to head back into “closed door meetings.”  

Unfortunately, it looks like she wasn’t being completely honest.  At 12:15 she was seen walking into Olive Garden in Okemos, wearing a New York Yankees baseball cap to avoid being noticed and was there for over an hour alone with her daughter.”

O.K. whatever I think I’ll be able to get over the fact that the Governor wanted to have lunch with her daughter…HT to Right Michigan for breaking the story none-the-less.

What concerns me, what irks me more than anything – is this:

“At 12:15 she was seen walking into Olive Garden in Okemos, wearing a New York Yankees baseball cap to avoid being noticed”

Hey Jenny!! What is with the NY cap? You have now lost all of my respect…you should be impeached!


March 22, 2007 Posted by | Just For Fun, Michigan Politics | 1 Comment

Forget 1984 someone should do a Tron ad…or Rollerball would be even better!!!

O.K. aside from the fact that this is absolutely pathetic compared to the Big Sis Hillary parody, I think it is a very important footnote for the future of elections.

Everyone has been talking about this election as being the first true election of the average person.  With outlets such as  blogs and You-tube campaigns have less control over the message that is portrayed about their candidacy.

Grassroots support can swell from underneath a candidate with these mediums and they can create media attention for a candidate (as we have seen in this case) that is completely outside the candidates control.

With that in mind…I would like to suggest a new theme for independent campaign supporters to use for an attack ad.  Please see the following clips below and adapt as you see fit.

This could be a very interesting election cycle….

Welcome to the FREAK SHOW!!!!!!

Lets hear your ideas!!!

March 22, 2007 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Michigan to lose Congressional seat? Thanks Jenny.

Free Press

“Michigan is likely to lose one of its 15 seats in Congress after the 2010 U.S. census — meaning the possibility of a little less clout in Washington, a little less attention from presidential candidates and the smallest delegation from Michigan in about 100 years, based on census numbers released today.”

“Even though the state’s population grew by 1.6% over the last six years, it did so a lot more slowly than in states like Texas (13%), Arizona (20%) and Nevada (25%). That means reapportionment of the 435-member U.S. House will send seats from slow-growing or backsliding Northeast and Midwest states to the South and West.”

“Michigan has lost at least one representative after each of the last four censuses, from a peak of 19 after the 1960 census. The number determines how many Electoral College votes a state gets for president, with one for every Congress member and each of two senators.”

March 22, 2007 Posted by | Michigan Politics | Leave a comment

1984 Ad creator found, Florida is moving on up, Romney’s loss is Giuliani’s gain

The creator of the now infamous Big Sister Hillary ad has been identified as an employee of a tech company that has a contract with Obama.  Apparently the guy was not involved with the Obama camp and has done no work on their behalf.  Team Obama has denied they had anything to do with the ad from the very beginning.

He has also been fired from the company.  (In all actuallity he will probably be picked up some by some huge PR or marketing firm very soon, so being fired might be the best thing that ever happened to him.)

Read the whole story here.

In other news Florida may be moving up it’s primary to Jan. 29!!!  This is huge news for the Sunshine State, or as my buddy called it when he first moved down their after graduation “America’s Wang.”  With this move they would thus leapfrog all the Feb. 5 or Super Tuesday states and become the first “large state’ to hold a primary.

As I am sure everyone knows, there has been a major rush for states to move up their primaries this election cycle to become bigger players in the Presidential nominating game. 

Many big states like California (who just moved up to Feb. 5th), Texas, and New York (who are all talking about moving to the same date), feel that smaller states like Iowa, South Carolina, and New Hampshire have too big a role in the process considering their size.

Michigan is considering moving up it’s date to at least Feb. 5th and possibly earlier. 

And finally Rudy Giuliani made a big pickup today at the expense of Mitt Romney:

“Richard Blankenship, a Jacksonville area investment banker and President Bush’s former ambassador to the Bahamas, said he resigned from Romney’s Florida finance team after becoming convinced Giuliani had broader appeal and said other Romney fundraisers in Florida could do the same.”

Seeing as how Romney already made news this week concerning his Florida fund-raising staff with the addition of H. Wayne Huizenga, who is #153 on the list of Forbes’s 100 richest Americans, this loss is not as damaging strategically to the campaign as it is morally damaging.

Blankenship gave the following reason for leaving:

“The changes in core beliefs gave rise to some concerns. You have to have an anchor in life,” he said of Romney. “Mayor Giuliani has a firm, secure hold on his moral compass and how that effects his platform, rather than change to satisfy special interests in our party. The Republican Party needs to broaden its appeal beyond a few special interests.”

Having a supporter say that a campaign lacks moral compass and then leave to back someone else is just about the worst press that any candidate could receive.  When people jump ship from supporting a campaign it seriously calls into qoestion the viability of that campaign and Romney has already had problems with losing support right here in Michigan. 

March 22, 2007 Posted by | News from the News | Leave a comment

College Humor hits it big, better vids, Dungey gets conservative, Stephen Colbert tastes good

So I flicked on MSNBC when I got home from class today to hear what the geriatric media is talking about and right away I see one of my favorite websites being praised on Allison Stewart’s “The Most” (Allison Stewart was actually not in today.)

For those of you who are not really into MSNBC, remember Allison Stewart from back in her MTV days.  My teacher used to put together 20 minute clips of her and other MTV reporters covering political stuff because she thought it would be a hip way to get us interested in politics. (In all actuality I like to refer to the actual use of that time as, “20 minutes for me and my buddies to copy every ounce of the previous nights homework from one another.)  But I guess considering most of the content on this blog my old teacher would be proud to see me so interested in politics…ahh memories.

Anyway, today “The Most” featured some clips from College Humor.  It was great to see CH getting some press in that mainstream media. 

One of the videos MSNBC showed was the Nintendo high-school band doing an NES medley: (Not a bad choice)

Now I know that most of the stuff on CH is unfit for MSNBC to play but I think they could have come up with something a little better for their two other choices, which I can not even find.  This one would have made me happy:

Dead Spin has an interesting article on Tony Dungy and his thoughts on gay marriage from the Indy Star:

“I appreciate the stance they’re taking, and I embrace that stance,” Dungy said. Local and national gay-rights organizations had criticized Dungy for accepting the invitation to appear at the banquet. The institute, affiliated with Focus on the Family, has been one of the leading supporters of the marriage amendment. “IFI is saying what the Lord says,” Dungy said. “You can take that and make your decision on which way you want to be. I’m on the Lord’s side.”

I got another interesting note about DeadSpin the other day when I was talking to one of my buddies.  Apparently he is in a DeadSpin sponsored bracket pool over at www.espn.com.  I guess ESPN has a bunch of words that you are not able to usewhile typing on the site or naming your pool.  Obviously this is not rid the site of profanity, but apparently the DeadSpin pool had to be named under a pseudonym because DS was not allowed.

What gives…is ESPN a little jealous of the popularity over at DS.

Stephen Colbert’s fame has been launched into the stratosphere as of late and now he has reached what some might call the pinnacle of stardom, his own Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream flavor: Stephen Colbert’s Americone Dream.

Apparently “It’s the sweet taste of liberty in your mouth.”

March 21, 2007 Posted by | Just For Fun | Leave a comment

“Get a map to the stars, find Heidi Fleiss….Cause I wanna be a Bill Clintman?”

March 21, 2007 Posted by | Just For Fun | Leave a comment