So the fight sucked…but here is to “Money” Mayweather at his best
May 7, 2007 Posted by miswingstater | Uncategorized | 1 Comment
About
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four-course meals using only a Mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
NOTE: I WISH I ACTUALLY WROTE THIS – PROPS TO THE PERSON THAT DID, YOU VERY FUNNY PERSON, YOU.
————————-
**Testimonials**
“When I get up in the morning reading Swing State is the 13th thing I do.” ~ anonymous
“One time I was watching Ace Ventura Pet Detective and reading Swing State at the same time…Swing State was definitely the second funniest thing going on in my life at the moment.” ~anonymous
“Reading Swing State is definitely better than being in prison.” ~anonymous
“I told my girlfriend about Swing State once, ever since the sex has been fantastic.”~anonymous
-
Recent Posts
- Between Two Ferns w/Zach Galifianakis…Perfect
- Lady Gaga (googoo) in The D tonight…
- TV and Cultural Icon Threatens to Quit Over Program Time Slot Move
- Wow…it has been a minute
- So the fight sucked…but here is to “Money” Mayweather at his best
- The Michigan Primary (And around and around we go!)
- Dome Nation Episode #1
- Awesome!!!
- Romney in Michigan
- Romney takes a jab at McCain
Archives
Blogroll
-
Archives
- January 2010 (4)
- May 2007 (3)
- April 2007 (21)
- March 2007 (26)
- February 2007 (10)
- January 2007 (19)
- December 2006 (18)
- November 2006 (15)
- October 2006 (23)
-
Categories
-
RSS
Entries RSS
Comments RSS
